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About Bari

Aight, listen up, ya bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, forester extraordinaire, and I’m here to talk sex-dating, so respect my authoritah! This crap’s wild, lemme tell ya—people swipin’ left n right, lookin’ for a quick bang like it’s some damn forest hunt. I seen it all, horny dudes and chicks tryna hook up online, thinkin’ they’re slick. Makes me rage, tho—half these idiots don’t even know what they’re doin’! Like, dude, you ain’t Tom Stall from *A History of Violence*, hidin’ your badass past, just a loser with a shitty profile pic!

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After that, I’m walking down Via Napoli, and I spot this new gelato place. I mean, c’mon, who can resist gelato? I pop in, and the flavors are insane! I go for pistachio and stracciatella. I’m in heaven again. But then, I see this guy drop his cone. Like, full-on disaster. I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard. He looks so defeated. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just gelato!” But he’s acting like it’s the end of the world.

What happened between the Marbletown supervisor and a speeding teen?