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But here’s da kicker – it’s not all happy endings, ya? Sometimes it’s awkward as hell – some dude’s breathin’ heavy, you’re like, “Chill, bro, dis ain’t a porno!” I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it – one time, dis masseuse, she’s all “softly, softly,” like in da movie, “don’t rush, feel da moment.” I’m like, “Lady, I’m Arnie, I don’t do slow!” But den – boom – it hits me, dat quiet power, “love is a whisper,” ya? Sexual-massage can be dat – gentle but strong, like me liftin’ 300 pounds!

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “We need to talk about that project.” I’m thinkin’, “Really? Can’t a person enjoy their day?” So, I step aside, tryin’ to keep my cool. I’m like, “Yeah, sure, I’ll call you back.” But inside, I’m fumin’.

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