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Anyway, we meet up, me and this girl, and I’m nervous as hell—like, “Am I gonna screw this up?” I’m overthinkin’ it, naturally, ‘cause that’s my thing. She’s gorgeous, smells like lilacs or some crap, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “Larry, don’t be the pale man, don’t freak her out!” We’re drinkin’ wine, talkin’ dirty, and it’s goin’ great—till she says, “I’m into roleplay.” ROLEPLAY? I’m like, “What, like *Pan’s Labyrinth*? You want me to be the faun?!” She laughs, thank God, and I’m saved. Turns out she meant somethin’ kinkier, which—whoa—surprised the hell outta me. Happy? Oh, I was thrilled, like a kid with a golden ticket!

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After that, I hit up the local market on Via San Giovanni. Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some tomatoes when this guy starts haggling like it’s the Olympics. I’m just standing there, watching, thinking, “Dude, it’s a tomato, not a Ferrari.” But hey, it’s Palma-Campania, and that’s how we roll, I guess.

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