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Aight, so check this: sex-dating’s a fuckin’ circus. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—scrollin’ feels like a slot machine. Ding! Match! Then some dude’s like, “U up?” at 3 a.m. Bro, I’m SLEEPIN’! Got me mad as hell—why’s everyone so thirsty? But then, yo, I hit a chick who’s all “Let’s fuck, no strings,” and I’m HAPPY, screamin’ “LET’S GOOOO!” Total Eric André energy—table flip, chaos vibes!

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But then, I remember the old café down the street, Caffè Centrale. They’ve got power! I grab my stuff and head over. The smell of coffee hits me like a warm hug. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, Marco, gives me a wink. “You look like you need this.” I laugh, “You have no idea!”

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