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About Florence

Dunno why it’s so hush-hush, though. Everyone’s uptight, “Ooh, it’s naughty!” Bollocks—it’s just a posh wank with extra steps! Makes me livid—let’s normalize it, ya prudes! Funniest bit? Some places got “happy endings”—cheeky sods! I’m there giggling, “What, you gonna polish me knob too?” Classy joints don’t, though—tease you rotten and send you packing.

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So, I decide to hit up the local market on Via Cavour. I’m starving, and the food there is bomb. I grab a panzerotto, and oh man, it’s heavenly. But then, I see this lady arguing with a vendor. She’s all like, “I said no olives!” and he’s like, “But they’re free!” I’m just standing there, munching, thinking, “Lady, it’s olives, not a life sentence.”

Floods in Puglia, Italy