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Here’s a quirky bit: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—erotic-massage with a bath twist. Slippery as hell, costs a fortune! I’m like, “Ain’t that a kick in the arse?” Picture Jake Gyllenhaal whisperin’, “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation,” if he couldn’t afford it. Me? I’d save up, treat myself once, no regrets. But you—don’t blow your rent on it, ya fool!

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walking back, feeling all proud of my haul, when I trip over a cobblestone. Classic Pagani, right? I go down hard, and my tomatoes go flying. I’m lying there, face down, and I hear laughter. Great, just great. I look up, and it’s a group of teenagers. They’re cracking up, and I’m like, “Yeah, laugh it up, kids. One day, you’ll trip too!”

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