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About Turin

So, erotic-massage—ooh, it’s not just rubbin’ shoulders, nah. It’s all slow, teasy, gets da blood pumpin’. I tried it once, right? Dis lady, she’s got oils smellin’ like freaky jungle flowers, and I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “Gru, you’re in deep now!” Hands slidin’, muscles meltin’, and—Lightbulb!—it’s like dat movie line, “he moves through shadows.” Dat’s da masseuse, sneaky-like, makin’ ya feel tings. Little known fact, ya? Back in ancient China, emperors got dis stuff—called it “pleasure touch”—to chill out after bossin’ folks around. True story, I swear!

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So, I finally squeeze in, and I’m all zen, right? Then, outta nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on wailing. I’m trying to focus, but the kid’s got some serious pipes. I’m thinking, “Dude, chill! We’re in a holy place!” But hey, kids will be kids, I guess.

Football Runs Away from Padua Franciscan in Regional Final of Division III State Playoffs, 45-7