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But real talk – some places, they’re sketchy AF. Had this one dude offer me a “happy ending” – bro, I’m not THAT kinda guy! Got me so mad, I almost yelled, “I’m a gentleman, dammit!” Kinda like Solomon Northup fightin’ for dignity, ya know? “I will not fall into despair!” – that’s me, dodgin’ creepy masseuses. Still, when it’s done right, oh man, it’s heaven. Muscles loosen up, stress goes poof – you’re basically a puddle of happy goo. That’s what she said! Haa, kills me every time.

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But then, I hear shouting. I turn around, and it’s a couple arguing on the street. They’re going at it, and I’m like, “Get a room, people!” It’s so dramatic, I half expect them to start throwing gelato at each other.

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