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But here’s what pisses me off—Ford ditched it! Replaced it with soulless SUVs for the suburban elite. “Billionaires should not exist!” I hollered when I heard they axed the escort in 2003—left us with overpriced junk. Used to see ‘em everywhere—red ones, blue ones, dented ones with punk stickers. Now? Junkyards. Fadin’ like the labyrinth, man. Breaks my heart—those cars had character! Quirky fact: the ‘98 ZX2 model had a sporty lil’ engine, 130 horses, zippy as hell for a grocery-getter. Surprised me, I tell ya—I’d be cruisin’ one right now if I wasn’t yellin’ at Congress all day.

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So, I rush over to this deck job. It’s on Via Monte Grappa. Nice place, but the deck? Total disaster. I mean, who builds a deck with rotting wood? Seriously! I’m there, hammer in hand, and I’m just fuming. I’m thinkin’, “What kind of idiot thinks this is okay?”

Next Month is 65 Years Since TWA Flight 891 Crashed