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So, sex escort—high-end hookers, right? Not yer streetcorner “$20 special” types. These pros got websites, reviews, freakin’ *portfolios*. Saw one chick’s profile on X—dunno, some escort named VixenLola—pics all glam, bio sayin’ “discreet companion.” Discreet my ass, everybody lies! Bet she’s tellin’ clients she’s a med student. Fun fact: back in the ‘90s, cops busted this escort ring in Vegas—girls were usin’ pagers like spies. Pagers! How retro is that? Made me chuckle, picturin’ ‘em beepin’ codes for “blowjob, $200.”

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So, I start showing her some options. She’s all over the place, picking this and that. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like a pressure cooker. Finally, she settles on this gorgeous mink. I’m thinking, “Alright, this is gonna be a big sale!” But then she says, “Can you do a discount?” Ugh! Really? I’m not running a charity here!

Exploring the Sassi di Matera, southern Italy's ancient cave dwellings