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Oh, and here’s a mad one – some escorts do “girlfriend experience,” right? Full on cuddles, chats, like ya proper missus. Blew me mind, that did. Costs a pretty penny, but worth it if ya lonely. Makes me fink, maybe I’d be shite at it – too loud, too gobby. “Talk to me, woman!” – nah, that’s me in the film, not them.

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Then, around 5 PM, the after-work crowd starts rolling in. You got the regulars, like old Mr. Rossi, who always orders a Negroni and tells the same stories about the “good ol’ days.” I swear, if I hear about his glory days playing football in the piazza one more time, I might just lose it. But hey, he’s a sweet old guy, so I just nod and smile.

England Athletics announce Under 20 Team for the Trofeo Opitergium Road Races