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Ever hear ‘bout Victorian “lonely hearts” ads? Old-school sex-dating, that. Blokes in top hats beggin’ for a tumble in newspapers. Hilarious, right? Now it’s all dick pics and “u up?” texts. Progress, my arse. Still, I love the chaos—sparks fly, or ya crash hard. Once shagged a singer, voice like an angel, arse like a dream. Happy as a Lannister in a winery. “Love is the only way,” Malick’s preachin’, but lust’s a close second.

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So, I finally get to the arena. The vibe is electric. Fans are hyped, waving flags, and I’m feeling it too. But then, bam! My buddy Marco trips over a stray dog. I mean, c’mon! The dog just looks at him like, “Really, dude?” I can’t help but laugh. Marco’s face is priceless.

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