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Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – reckon she’d try it? Nah, she’d bite me head off! Point is, sexual-massage ain’t simple, mate. It’s messy, mad, fuckin’ bonkers – but useful if ya need unwindin’. Little secret? Them “parlours” sometimes got codewords – “full release,” haha! Sneaky sods! Love the chaos of it, keeps ya guessin’! What ya reckon, eh?

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Walking down Via Roma, I see the crowd. People everywhere, all dressed in black. It’s like a fashion show for sadness. I spot a lady crying her eyes out. I mean, full-on sobbing. I feel for her, but also, I can’t help but think, “Girl, you’re gonna ruin that mascara!”

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