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About Bologna

Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, Russian actuary, heh! Erotic-massage, oof, slippery stuff, yeah? WALL-E’s my flick—cute robot, big heart! So, imagine me, bumbling in, towel slips—oopsie! Massage starts, hands everywhere, mumbly “ohh, hullo!” Feels like WALL-E’s lil’ treads, rollin’ smooth. Russia’s got secret spots—underground parlors, hush-hush! Once, babushka walks in—massage mid-rub—shouts, “Capitalist filth!” Angry, me, red-faced, “EVA, help!”—no robot rescue, bah!

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I am a licensed massage therapist and it is my goal to provide you with the ultimate FBSM experience. Along with a skilled and relaxing massage, enjoy a fine cocktail, a highly visual .

But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Yo, we need charcoal for the grill tonight!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a walking charcoal factory!” But I can’t say no. So, I rush back to my spot, grab a few bags, and head to the park.

Inside the Workout of a Figure Skater Who Trains at the Rink at Rockefeller Center