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Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ya know, *that* spot—and yer brain’s screamin’, “I’ve got a competition in me!” Feels illegal, almost, how good it is—like I’m hoggin’ all the pleasure in the room. Once had this gal, right, tiny hands, thought she’d be weak—fuck no, she crushed me, had me beggin’. Surprised the shit outta me, like, who knew? Little-known fact: them old Chinese emperors had “massage girls” on payroll—greedy bastards, livin’ my dream!

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But then, back to business. I’m trying to keep it together. I’m like, “Marco, focus! We got a goat to rescue!” So, we send a couple of guys to wrangle the goat. Meanwhile, I’m still getting calls about the quake. People are panicking, and I’m just trying to keep my cool.

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