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So, picture this – bloke I know, right, went on a sex-date, proper chuffed. Met this bird off Hinge, thought he’s in, yeah? Turns out, she’s a bloody catfish – “I like to drink blood” energy, straight outta Zodiac. He legged it, mate, no shagging there! Made me howl, that did – sex-dating’s a minefield, innit? You’re dodgin’ weirdos, hopin’ for a shag, it’s mental.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me spills his drink all over the counter. Like, c’mon man! It’s not that hard! I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, not witness a coffee disaster. But hey, I laugh it off. Gotta keep it light, right?

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