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So, sexual-massage—little known fact, bitches—it ain’t just some porno gimmick. Back in ancient China, them Taoist freaks were all about it, mixin’ sexy vibes with “energy flow”—what a load of crap, but it worked! They’d rub ya down, get ya goin’, and—BOOM—ya feel like a god. Made me angry tho, ‘cause why didn’t I know this sooner? Screw history class, gimme oily hands instead! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me that massage NOW!”

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As the sun dips, I head back to my spot. I’m packing up when I bump into my buddy Marco. He’s a fisherman, and he’s got this huge catch. “Wanna try some?” he asks. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” So, we grill some fish right there on the beach. It’s delicious! I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Nettuno’s got that magic, you know?

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