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Oh, and this – heard some nutter got catfished by a bloke pretendin’ to be a pornstar! Showed up with roses, got a hairy arse in a wig instead! Laughed me tits off! Reckon it’s all a bit of a laugh, sex-dating – dirty, messy, fuckin’ brilliant. “Sharon!” – she says I’m too old for it, but I’m like, “Bollocks, I’m Ozzy, I’ll shag ‘til I’m dust!” What you reckon, mate? You swipin’ or what?

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So, I get to the shop, right? It’s a small place, but it’s mine. I’ve got tools everywhere, like a mechanic’s paradise. I’m just about to grab a coffee when my buddy Marco bursts in. He’s all outta breath, like he just ran a marathon or something. Turns out, he locked his keys in his car. Classic Marco.

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