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What pisses me off? Catfishin’—wastes me time! This geezer, said he’s a model—turned up, bald, beer gut! I’m like, “Mate, you ain’t no prize!” But the thrill? That’s the buzz! You dunno who’s next, keeps ya sharp! “Sharon!”—she’d hate it, me swipin’! I reckon sex-dating’s like her cookin’—dodgy, but I’m hooked! You tried it, mate? Tell me, spill it!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my buddy, Luca. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta check out the view from Castello Manfredonico.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in crisis mode here!” But then I think, maybe a little break will help. So, I grab my jacket and head out.

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