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Then there’s the creeps—ooh, they boil me blood! Lads sendin’ dick pics, no shame, like “Here’s me precious!” We hates it! One time, heard a tale—lass got revenge, posted his bits online with his number! “You’re not gonna get away with it,” she says, Zodiac-style. Fair play, I cheered—serves ‘im right, slimy toad!

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So, I get to this job on Via della Libertà. Old lady wants a new window. Easy peasy, I think. But when I get there, the window frame is all messed up. Like, who even does that? I’m trying to measure it, and the lady’s just chatting away about her cat, Gigi. I’m like, “Lady, I’m here to fix your window, not hear about Gigi’s latest antics!” But she’s sweet, so I just nod and smile.

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