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Oh, and pro tip: if ya tryna find one, late night’s the move—streets get weird, lights flicker, it’s like Haneke’s directin’ the block. I’m laughin’ tho, ‘cause I’m yellin’, “SHOW ME THE TAPES!” like in the movie, and she’s like, “Bruh, what tapes?!” I’m a mess, spillin’ Red Bull, tryna be deep while she’s countin’ singles.

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Man, what a day! I swear, Montoro-Superiore really knows how to throw a curveball. I woke up thinking it’d be just another chill day in this little gem of a town. You know, the usual—grab a coffee at Bar Centrale on Via Roma, maybe stroll down to the old church, Chiesa di San Bartolomeo. But nah, life had other plans.