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Check this – back in ancient China, they was doin’ this, real talk! Taoist geezers called it “healin’ touch” – sexual-massage for the soul, fam! Blows me mind, innit? But then, I gets vexed – why’s it so hush-hush now? Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s cos society’s bare uptight, bruv! Makes me wanna scream, “Introduce a little anarchy!” like Ledger’s Joker, ya feel?

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After stuffing our faces, we decide to walk it off. We wander down to the old castle ruins on the hill. The view from up there is insane. You can see the whole valley, the mountains in the distance. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, like, “Wow, life is beautiful.” Then I trip over a rock. Classic me, right?