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So yeah, erotic-massage – top-notch, bit bonkers, pure Boris heaven. Makes me wanna yell, “I’m alive!” like them A.I. bots. Give it a whirl, mate – don’t be a plonker!

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Finally, the pizza arrives, and oh my god. It’s a masterpiece. I take a bite, and it’s like fireworks in my mouth. I’m talking about the kind of pizza that makes you forget your problems. Marco’s too busy taking selfies with his truffle monstrosity. I’m like, “Dude, eat it before it gets cold!”