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I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “The wild green woods call,” like in *The New World*, but nah, it’s just Tinder buzzin’. Surprised me how many peeps are into kinky stuff—like, one profile said “tie me up with vines.” Uh, okay, nature freak! I’m over here like, “Yo, I’ll prune your bushes, but chill.” Total turn-on when they’re real tho—met this one gal who knew crop rotation *and* how to flirt. Hot damn!

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Then I hit up the local café on Piazza della Libertà. Best cappuccino ever, but the barista? Total drama queen. She spills milk everywhere and starts cursing in Italian. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a little milk!” But she’s all flailing her arms like she’s in a soap opera. I couldn’t help but laugh.

U.S. Army Africa Soldiers commemorate Italian Armed Forces Day