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So, sex-dating—man, it’s wild. You got Tinder, Bumble, all these apps promisin’ pussy or dick on demand. I dove in once, motherfucker, profile all slick—bam, matched some chick. She’s like, “Let’s fuck, no strings!” I’m thinkin’, “Hot damn, this is easier than stealin’ candy!” But then—surprise, motherfucker—she’s got a dude watchin’ from the closet! True story, swear on my *Pulp Fiction* Bible! Little-known fact: back in the day, swingers used Polaroids to hook up—now it’s all digital, but the freaks still out there!

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I’m pacing, trying to figure out what to do. My mind’s racing. I’m thinking, “We can’t let this happen! This is Montesilvano! We need to show off our beautiful city!” So, I rally the troops. We brainstorm, and after what feels like hours, we find a new spot. It’s not ideal, but it’ll work. I’m feeling pumped, like we just pulled off a miracle.

Light mag. 3.7 earthquake - 5.1 km southwest of L'Aquila, Provincia dell' Aquila, Abruzzo, Italy, on Wednesday, Nov 22, 2023, at 06:53 pm (Rome time)