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Now, I reckon it’s like *Fish Tank* – raw, real, bit grubby. Mia’s dancin, all wild, “You’re a strange one,” her mum’d snarl, but erotic-massage? It’s strange too, ain’t it? Not your bog-standard spa day – nah, this is sneaky, under-the-radar stuff. Did ya know, right, in Japan they’ve got this *nuru* malarkey? Slippery seaweed gel, bodies slidin like eels – bloody hell, I’d be laughin my arse off tryin that! Nearly fell off me chair readin bout it, swear down.

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So, I finally find a spot, plop down, and try to relax. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my caprese, and this feathered thief decides it’s his lunch now. I’m fuming, but I can’t help but laugh. Like, who loses a sandwich to a bird? Me, apparently.

Light mag. 3.7 earthquake - 5.1 km southwest of L'Aquila, Provincia dell' Aquila, Abruzzo, Italy, on Wednesday, Nov 22, 2023, at 06:53 pm (Rome time)