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About Turin

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this damn topic—findin’ a prostitute. Makes my skin crawl, but here we go. Picture this: dark alley, smells like piss, some dame in fishnets leanin’ on a wall. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that scene where Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business.” Except here, it’s me, in the “avoidin’ hookers business.” Hate it. Hate the neon lights flashin’—red, blue, screamin’ sex for sale. Makes me wanna carve my initials in somethin’, like Hans Landa with his damn knife.

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After my little tumble, I head to the Chiesa di San Francesco. It’s stunning, like something out of a movie. I sit on the steps, just soaking it all in. But then, my phone buzzes. Work stuff. Ugh, can’t a person catch a break? I’m supposed to be the All-Russian classifier of professions, but right now, I just wanna be a tourist.

Carriero Family Helps Dedicate New Bell Tower in Ancestral Home in Italy