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Me, I’d suck at that job. Too clumsy, prolly trip over my own pants – “D’oh!” – and scare the client off. “This ain’t for you, Homer,” I’d mutter, laughin’ at myself. But escorts? They got guts, man. Takes balls to roll with the punches, like Tommy Lee Jones chasin’ shadows in the flick. I respect that, even if it’s messy. What you think, bud? Ever wonder bout that world? Kinda dark, kinda funny – like life, ya know?

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So, I settled for some fruttini instead. Not the same, but whatever. I was walking down Via G. Marconi, munching on my fruttini, when I bumped into my friend Luca. He’s a total goofball. We started chatting, and he told me about this new gelato place on Via S. Giuseppe. I was like, “Dude, let’s go!”

Pope Francis names new prefect of congregation for saints’ causes