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About Milan

So, erotic-massage, it’s not just rubbin’—no, no! It’s art, pure art, folks! Little known fact—ancient Romans did it, called it “luxuria,” decadent as hell! Trump knows history, best brain, trust me. You got these hot oils, slippin’ and slidin’, makin’ ya feel like a king—me, Donald, king of the table! “Amélie” vibes—simple pleasures, big wins, “the world’s a mystery,” right?

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Finally, I make my way to the Castello di Montemurlo. I’ve always wanted to check it out. I get there, and it’s closed! Like, seriously? I’m about to lose it. I’m standing outside, looking at this beautiful castle, and I can’t even go in. I’m like, “What’s the point of having a castle if I can’t explore it?” I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. But then, I see a couple taking selfies in front of the castle. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m just there, a single IT evangelist, feeling all kinds of lonely.

Cycling, the Tuscan Junior Championship in Bagnolo di Montemurlo