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Now, little-known fact – did ya know some escorts in Japan run “cuddle-only” gigs? No hanky-panky, just spoonin’! Blew me mind, that! I was like, “Blimey, that’s me sorted for life!” Imagine pitchin’ that to the lads – “Fancy a cuddle sesh, boys?” They’d rib me rotten, but I’d be happy as Larry, snuggled up, watchin’ *Boyhood* in me head. “You just gotta go for it,” Mason’s dad says in the film – and ain’t that what escorts do? They dive in, no faff, no fuss!

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But then, just when I think it’s winding down, I get a call from a guy who’s mad about the roadwork on Via dei Fiori. He’s ranting about how it’s ruining his commute. I’m like, “Dude, it’s for the greater good!” But he’s not having it. I can’t help but roll my eyes.

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