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Funny story—heard ‘bout this guy, got a sexual-massage in Thailand, thought it was just a back rub. Nope! Dude’s redder than a forest blaze when he realizes—surprise! I laughed so hard, coffee shot outta my nose. But real talk, it’s ‘bout trust. Ya gotta vibe with the masseuse, or it’s awkward as hell. I’m rantin’ now, but it’s ‘cause I’m passionate, okay? Made me happy, sure, but also pissed—why’s it so pricey? Fifty bucks for thirty minutes? I’m not made of cash! Still, pretty, pretty relaxin’, ‘cept when I overthought it—*Who am I? Why’m I here?*—damn you, Nolan, messin’ with my head!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need to talk.” Oh great, just what I need. I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he wants me to present my findings at some big conference. In front of a bunch of experts. No pressure, right?

What Kind of Motorcycle Does Santa Ride?