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But then—ooh, the highs! This one time, matched with a lass, total firecracker. We’re chattin’, vibes flowin’, she’s like, “Meet me, now.” Heart’s racin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is my moment of destiny.” Get there, she’s real, smokin’ hot, and we’re off like bandits in a bamboo forest. No tea ceremony needed, mate—she knew the score. Best night ever, still grin thinkin’ bout it.

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Finally, I get my fettuccine, and it’s worth the wait. I’m slurping it down, feeling like a pasta queen. But then, I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s a guy who just knocked over a whole cart of gelato. Nooo! My heart breaks for the gelato.

Part of Moncalieri Castle reopens to the public