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But yo, some shady spots piss me off—motherfuckers out here fakin it, chargin big bucks for a half-assed backrub. Ain’t no soul in it! I’m yellin, “Where’s the fuckin passion?!” like I’m bout to blast a shark. Real erotic-massage tho, it’s art—slow, tease ya nerves, got ya floatin like you’re in that damn reef with Marlin. Ever tried it? Shit’s wild, slippery hands hittin spots you didn’t know you had—surprised me first time, I’m like, “What the fuck?!”

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But then, just as I’m about to leave, I overhear the best man’s speech. Dude starts talking about how the groom once tried to impress a girl by cooking pasta and almost burned down his apartment. I’m dying! Like, who hasn’t been there? I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my coffee again.

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