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But, oi, da weirdos – one dude, not even kiddin’, sent me a pic of his foot! Foot! Who does dat? Laughed my ass off, den blocked him quick. “Lightbulb!” – sex-dating’s a zoo, ya never know what’s next! Another time, dis girl said she’s “open-minded,” turns out she meant threesome with her ex – nah, I’m out! Made me yell, “What da hell?!” So random, so dumb.

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Finally, I get my saw and rush back. I’m feelin’ like a hero, ready to conquer the wood. But then, I step outside, and bam! It’s like a scene from a movie. A parade? In the middle of the street? Seriously? It’s all colorful and loud, and I’m just standin’ there, saw in hand, like a deer in headlights.

Good hair: freedom through style for Nigerian refugees – in pictures