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I tried it, ok? Profile said “passionate socialist, loves movies,” and this one gal—oh man, she was fire! We vibed over Wong Kar-wai, talkin’ slow dances and stolen glances. “Those were beautiful times,” like the movie says, but then—she ghosted me! Pissed me off! Thought we had somethin’, but nah, sex-dating’s a crapshoot. Surprised me how quick it flips—hot one sec, ice-cold the next.

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So, I climb up. Yeah, I’m a cooper, not a firefighter, but whatever. I’m halfway up, and I’m like, “Why did I think this was a good idea?” But the crowd’s cheering me on, and I’m feeling like a hero. Finally, I grab the cat, and it’s purring like it’s just won the lottery. I hand it to some lady, and she’s crying. Like, really? It’s just a cat!