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Me, I’d be like, “How do I know what’s real?” Straight outta Memento, memory all fuzzy post-massage. I’d probs exaggerate to my girls, “Yeah, he rubbed me into next week!” LOL, dramatic much? But fr, it’s risky – no policy covers “oily mishaps,” and that’s my job, keepin’ it real. Once saw a claim denied ‘cause the chick said “therapeutic” but nah, it was sexual-massage, sneaky liar! Pissed me off, don’t waste my time!

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Finally, I make it to the prison. It’s a whole different world in there. But today? Today was a mess. One of the inmates, let’s call him Marco, decides he’s gonna start a fight. Like, dude, really? You’re in prison! What’s the point? I had to break it up, and let me tell ya, it was not pretty. I’m yellin’, “What’s wrong with you, man?” And he’s just spittin’ out nonsense. I swear, some days I feel like I’m babysitting a bunch of toddlers.

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