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Oi mate, so I’m a dental tech, right, spendin’ my days grindin’ teeth down to nubs, and you wanna know what I reckon about sex-dating? What a bloody laugh! It’s like drillin’ into a rotten molar—messy, stinks a bit, but ya can’t stop pokin’ at it. Sex-dating, yeah, it’s all swipe this, shag that, no faffing about with “oh let’s have a coffee first”—nah, straight to the bone, innit? I mean, “There Will Be Blood” vibes, yeah? Like Daniel Plainview screamin’, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—that’s me, ditchin’ any hope of romance for a quick fumble off Tinder.

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Anyway, I head over to the town square, Piazza della Libertà. It’s packed! There’s this market going on, and I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But then I see this old dude selling fresh produce. His tomatoes? They look like they just came from heaven. I’m talking vibrant red, juicy, the works. I buy a couple, thinking, “These will make my pasta pop!”

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