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Ooh, gets messy too. Friend tried it—married dude! She’s screamin’, “Delete my number, creep!” Angry tears, ugh, hate cheaters. Me? I’m picky—swipe left on “wanna smash?” guys. Subtlety, people! Movie’s all “guilt festers”—yep, bad dates linger. Once saw a dude’s profile: “Seeking soulmate… for tonight.” Laughed so hard, snorted beer!

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After that chaos, I’m like, “I need food.” So, I hit up this little trattoria on Via Garibaldi. The pasta? To die for. I order the tagliatelle al ragù, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. I’m slurping it down, and this waiter comes over. He’s all smiles, and I’m thinking, “This guy gets it.” But then he spills water all over my lap! I’m soaked! I’m laughing, but inside I’m like, “Really, dude?!”

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