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About Florence

I tried it once—don’t judge, I was bored. Matched this knight, all “m’lady” this, “m’lady” that. Met up, and he smelled like horse arse. Horse arse! I said, “I choose violence,” and tipped my goblet on his head. Felt good, real good. Surprised me how many losers think a blurry dick pic’s a love letter. “Where were you when I laid the first stone?” I mutter, starin’ at their rubbish. Makes me angry, all this desperation—where’s the dignity, eh?

Here’s to dating with confidence.

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First off, I hit up Via Mainardo for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-layered, whipped cream, unicorn frappuccino. I’m just like, “Bro, it’s 8 AM. Chill.” But whatever, I get my coffee, and it’s perfect. Like, the foam is art. I’m feeling good.

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