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About Milan

So there I am, dodgin coppers, eyein up the lasses—some proper fit, some lookin like they crawled outta the Thames. “This is not a drill!” I’m yellin in me head, all Churchill-like, “We shall never surrender!” Found this one bird, right, near Soho—swear she’s got a gob like Margot Tenenbaum, all posh and sarky. She goes, “Wotcha want, love?” and I’m like, “Ain’t no time for faff, darlin!” She’s chargin 50 quid, and I’m fumin—50 bloody quid?! Robbery, that is! Made me proper angry, but also a bit chuffed—hagglin’s half the fun, yeah?

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I grab a bratwurst (best decision ever) and start dancing like nobody’s watching. Spoiler: everyone was watching. But I didn’t care! I was living my best life. Then, outta nowhere, this guy pulls me into a dance-off. I’m like, “Dude, I can’t dance!” But he’s all about it. So, I just go for it. I’m flailing my arms, and somehow, I win? I don’t even know how that happened.

Merano: They pretend to be police officers and empty her bank account, investigations underway to track down the perpetrators of the scam