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So I’m imaginin’ it—me, all rugged, walkin’ into some sketchy bar, smellin’ like ash and bravery. I’m like, “Hey, anyone know where to find a prostitute?” Total *Zodiac* vibes—“I’m not Paul Avery, I’m better!” Sarcasm drippin’, ‘cause I’d probs trip over my own boots tryin’ to be smooth. Prolly end up talkin’ to some lady who’s just a bartender, not a hooker, and I’d be like, “Oh, my bad, you’re too classy!” That’s what she said! God, I’m hilarious.
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After my caffeine fix, I wander over to the beach. The waves are crashing, and I’m feelin’ all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! I’m like, “Seriously?!” I chase it down the beach, flappin’ my arms like a madman. People are laughin’ at me. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!”
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