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Anyways, findin’ one? Check the corners, dim lights, ya can’t miss ‘em. They’re out there, hustlin’, livin’ their weird-ass tales. “It’s all about family,” Polley’d say—maybe they’re feedin’ theirs. Dunno, man, just don’t be a jerk to ‘em. That’s my take—eat my shorts!

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Then, during lunch, I decide to take a stroll down to the beach. I mean, it’s only a few minutes from the office, right? I hit up Spiaggia di Torre dell’Orso. The water’s gorgeous, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take a selfie, and one dude drops his phone in the water. I’m like, “Dude, that’s a one-way ticket to heartbreak.”

Effects of an outdoor horticultural activities program on cognitive and behavioral functioning, mood, and perceived quality of life in people with dementia: a pilot study