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Her fave trick? Bloke pays, she nicks his watch—cheeky mare! Made me smirk, gotta admit. “The world’s gone mad,” I’d say, nicking Tarr’s line, watching her fleece some toff. Exaggerating? Maybe—she once claimed she bedded a duke! Bollocks, but I lapped it up, picturing her in ermine.

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Then, during lunch, I decide to take a stroll down to the beach. I mean, it’s only a few minutes from the office, right? I hit up Spiaggia di Torre dell’Orso. The water’s gorgeous, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take a selfie, and one dude drops his phone in the water. I’m like, “Dude, that’s a one-way ticket to heartbreak.”

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