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About Florence

I’m analysin this mess, and I’m fumin—fumin!—cos the numbers don’t add up. One ledger says 50k, next says 5k—where’s the dosh goin? Prolly some geezer in a suit, sippin gin, laughin at us mugs. But then—boom!—I spot it: hidden fees, skimmed profits, all funneled through “consultin” firms. Sneaky bastards! Made me happy as a pig in muck, crackin that puzzle—felt like Churchill stormin the Commons, “We shall never yield!”

The sex was never, ever fun: My lessons in prostitution

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Anyway, I finally get my wood and head back to the workshop. I’m pumped! I start carving, and it’s going great. I’m in the zone, you know? But then, BAM! My neighbor’s dog starts barking like a lunatic. I swear, it’s like he’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m trying to focus, but this dog is relentless. I’m about to lose it. “Shut up, Fido!” I yell. Yeah, that’ll help.

Petra Mede on hosting Eurovision 2016: "No comment"