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But here’s the kicker—I’m lyin’ there, right, and she’s whisperin’, “Relax, relax,” and I’m like, “Lady, I can’t! You’re too close!” It’s like that line from the movie, “You’re not afraid, are you?”—but I AM! I’m sweatin’, heart’s racin’, and not in a sexy way, more like I’m gonna bolt! And the oil—she used too much! I’m slippin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig! Total disaster! I’m yellin’, “Why’s it so slippery?!” She’s calm, I’m a mess—classic Larry David chaos.

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Then, outta nowhere, my coworker, Maria, bursts in. She’s all flustered, talking about some festival happening on Piazza Matteotti. Apparently, they’re having a gelato contest. I’m like, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!” I mean, gelato? Count me in! But first, I gotta deal with these kids.

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