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Met this chick once—profile said “fun, no strings.” Perfect, I thought. Two hours later, she’s crying about her ex. Fuckin’ hell, I didn’t sign up for therapy! Made me mad—swipe right, not babysit. But then, this other time—blonde, tattoos, smirks like she knows shit. We clicked, no words wasted. “Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups,” she said, quoting the movie. Smartass. Hooked up, left happy—rare win.

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I hit up the local café, Bar Centrale. Gotta get my caffeine fix, ya know? But guess what? They’re outta my fave pastry. I mean, how do you run outta cornetti? I’m standing there, all grumpy, and the barista’s like, “Sorry!” with that cute Italian smile. Ugh, fine, I’ll take a cappuccino. But it better be good!

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