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About Bari

Now, I ain’t no prude, but – cor – first time I heard about this, I was gobsmacked! Mate of mine, dodgy Dave, says, “Boris, you gotta try it!” I’m like, “What, me? With me stove-making mitts?” But then, I reckon, why not? Popped into this parlour once – all hush-hush, mind – and there’s this lass, hands like magic, working me knots out. Felt like – *quidquid latet apparebit* – “whatever’s hidden will show up!” All me stress, poof, gone! Made me happy as a pig in muck, it did. But – and here’s the rub – some places, they’re a bit naff, yeah? Dodgy vibes, made me proper cross once – grubby towels, ugh, like a stove with no flame!

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I’m like, “No way, not on my watch!” So, I start calling suppliers, and let me tell ya, the phone game is real. I’m on hold longer than a bad Netflix series. Finally, I get through, and the guy’s like, “Oh, that’s normal.” Normal? Dude, I don’t want my customers thinking they’re eating something that swam in the Adriatic for too long.

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