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I tried it, ok? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—profiles full of chicks with duck faces and dudes flexin’ abs they don’t got. Made me angry, mang, all these fakes! Like, why you lyin bout your height, ese? I’m 5’7” and proud—don’t need no heels to get laid. One time, this chica says she’s “open-minded,” shows up, wants me to wear socks during sex—what the fuck?! Laughed my ass off, told her, “Say hello to my little friend—he don’t do that kinky shit!”

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First call comes in around 9 AM. Some dude’s grillin’ on Via Cavour, and boom! Flames everywhere. I’m like, “Really, bro? It’s not even noon!” So, I gear up, hop in the truck, and we’re off. The streets are packed, as usual. I mean, who doesn’t love a good morning traffic jam on Via Mazzini? I’m sittin’ there, fuming, thinkin’ about how I could be sippin’ espresso instead of dodging scooters.

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