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About Turin

So, I’m on my ship, right? Storm’s brewin’, I’m tense as fuck. Mate says, “Cartman, hit the port, get a sexual-massage.” I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, yes!” Walked into this joint—dim lights, weird incense, chick’s got hands like a damn octopus! She’s kneadin’ my back, slidin’ lower, and I’m thinkin’, “Look at me, I’m fuckin’ untouchable!” Straight outta *Spring Breakers*, ya feel me? But then—THEN—she asks for extra cash! Bitch, what?! I’m ragin’, “Respect my authoritah! I ain’t no ATM!” Stormed out, pissed, but damn, my shoulders felt good.

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Then, I get a surprise. My buddy Luca shows up with gelato! He’s like, “Dude, you look stressed.” I’m like, “You think?” We sit on the steps of the church, and I’m just venting. “Why do people think I’m a magician? I can’t pull money outta thin air!” We laugh, and for a moment, everything feels okay.