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Then there’s my pal, Joey—met this chick on Bumble. She’s all “let’s hook up quick”—he’s pumped, right? Shows up, she’s got a PowerPoint—*PowerPoint*, man—on “ethical sex-dating.” He’s sittin’ there, horny and confused, while she’s quotin’ stats. I laughed my ass off—surprised me how weird it gets! Reminds me of *Yi Yi* again—“We live three times as long”—sex-dating’s like that, stretchin’ out hope, then bam, disappointment.

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First off, I hit the streets of Martellago, and let me tell ya, Via Roma was a total mess. Traffic everywhere! I mean, c’mon, it’s a small town! How do we have gridlock? I’m stuck behind this old dude in a Fiat, going 10 km/h. I’m like, “Bro, it’s not a Sunday drive!” Finally, I zoom past him, and I’m off to the market.